As a new mother, there are some things I've learned that I wish other moms would have told me ahead of time. So here they are in no particular order for all you expectant first time mothers:
1. Having a baby is really hard and will not allow you to be selfish anymore.
2. Babies can shoot poop out of their butts at a distance of atleast 3 feet, causing it to hit the wall and run down towards the carpet.
3. Your baby will wake up within 3 minutes of you falling asleep.
4. a. Breastfeeding hurts and will cause you to swear more than you ever have in your life ("OWW, @$*&%$%^^&*$!!!"). This will cause your husband some concern.
b. Your husband will allow the baby to latch on to
his nipple and will say that it "tickles". This will make you want to punch him in the face.
5. Even after you lose all of your pregnancy weight, your old clothes still won't fit because your body is shaped differently now. This will cause you mounds of frustration.
6. Babies eyes sometimes roll all around and go crossed. Don't worry, they won't stay that way.
7. It's okay to cry after you come home from the hospital and not know why. This is normal.
8. You may want to return your baby to the hospital. DON'T DO IT. This feeling will pass. But it may come back in a few days. It will pass again.
9. If you have to have a c-section, they will strap your arms down out to the side like you are being nailed to a cross.
10. It's okay to have strong words with the nurses at the hospital (make your husband do this).
That's it for now. If this list stresses you out, just look at the below picture and remember that it's all worth it.